Crappy Punchlines...

1st thief : Oh ! The police is here. Quick! Jump out of the window !
2nd thief : But this is the 13th floor !!
1st thief : Hurry! This is no time for superstitions.
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Girl : Do you love me ?
Boy : Yes dear
Girl : Would you die for me ?
Boy : No --- mine is undying love
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Man : How old is your father ?
Boy : As old as me
Man : How can that be ?
Boy : He became a father only when I was born
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Waiter : I have stewed liver, boiled tongue and frog's leg.
Customer : Don't tell me your problems. Give me the menu card.
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Teacher: Simon, your composition on "My Dog" is exactly the same as your brother's. Did you copy his?
Simon: No, teacher, it's the same dog !
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Father: Your teacher says she finds it impossible to teach you anything!
Son : That's why I say she's no good !
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Teacher: "How do you think Shakespeare wrote such masterpieces ?"
College student: "With a pencil, maam, either a 2B or not 2B."
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Teacher: "Where were you born?"
Student: "Singapore, Sir."
Teacher: "Which part?"
Student: "All of me, Sir."
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Teacher: "Chong, you missed school last Friday."
Chong : "You're wrong, Sir."
Teacher: "Wrong, how is that?"
Chong : "I was absent, yes but I certainly didn't miss it !"
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A teacher was asking her class: "What is the difference between 'unlawful' and 'illegal'?" Only one hand shot up.
"Ok, answer, Lian," said the teacher.
"'unlawful' is when you do something the law doesn't allow and illegal is a sick eagle."
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Doctor : I have some bad news and some very bad news.
Patient : Well, might as well give me the bad news first.
Doctor : The lab called with your test results. They said you have 24 hours to live.
Patient : 24 hours! That's terrible!! What could be worse? What 's the very bad news?
Doctor : I've been trying to reach you since yesterday.
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Patient : I'm in a hospital! Why am I in here?
Doctor : You've had an accident involving a train.
Patient : What happened?
Doctor : Well, I've got some good news and some bad news. Which would you like to hear first?
Patient : Well... The bad news first ...
Doctor : Your legs were injured so badly that we had to amputate both of them.
Patient : That's terrible! What's the good news?
Doctor: There's a guy in the next ward who made a very good offer on your slippers.
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Patient : How much to have this tooth pulled?
Dentist : $90.
Patient : $90 for just a few minutes' work ?
Dentist : I can extract it very slowly, if you like.
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Teacher : "How come you do not comb your hair?"
Ah Kow : "No comb, Sir."
Teacher : "Use your dad's then."
Ah Kow : "No hair, Sir."
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A boy came home from school with his exam results.
"What did you get?" asked his father.
"My marks are under water," said the boy.
"What do you mean 'under water'?"
" They are all below 'C' level. "

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haha... yeah rite.. and this ultimate:
Seen at a Croc pool:
"Those who throw things at the crocodiles will be asked to retrive them!"